I've got Jaime Samm's here today talking about a popular topic these days: Dominant/submissive relationships (yeah... ya know... like 50 Shades of Something-something. But actually not at all, cause Jaime's book is a lot more interesting!)
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Hello, everyone, and thanks so much to Jessica for offering me the chance to drop by and chat a little bit about that which is most dear to me, the fact that I get paid to do the thing I love most in the world. Um. Well, with the usual caveats, because so few things are *actually* better than sex. And....so to segue into what I wanted to talk about:
And no, I'm not really going to talk about the books themselves, since I haven't read them, mostly because I read so little hertero-normative romance or erotica, or whatever you want to classify Fifty Shades of Grey as. I'm more interested in the *idea*
The idea that a loving, co-operative, lasting relationship can be forged when one partner seems to have so much more power than the other. After all the collar and chain are an easy symbol to grasp.
And let's face it, from the outside of a D/s relationship, all the power appears to be in the hands of the Dominant. But is it really?
If you think it through, where did all that power come from? The relationship, if it works, started a long time before the collar and chain entered the picture. That power wasn't always the Dom's to control. It belongs to the sub, even once they've given control of it over to their Dom. Because a person consents to letting another take the reigns, in the bedroom or the relationship, or in life in general, doesn't mean that person is now weak and without power. Any Dom worth the title knows they have been given something precious to care for that does not belong to them. They take care of it, though, as if it were their own, and treat it that way, so it truly looks (and feels, from the sub's point of view) that the control all belongs to the Dom.
The strength it takes to stand under that knowledge is what makes a sub incredibly powerful. You put everything you are into the hands of another, fallible human being, and the trust to do that does not come easily, or to the weak or insecure. Any sub who thinks now that they've found their Dom, they never have to be the strong one again is doomed. A sub has to know their Dom is going to get it wrong. They are only people, after all, and sometimes, people get things wrong. It happens. Wanting your Dom to be the best, strongest, bravest, most knowledgeable person in the universe is natural. Finding out they aren't can be crushing.
How a couple deals with the fallout from that is what makes them a team. Partners. Equals. Or what destroys them.
It's exactly that catastrophic failure of intent that the characters in Off Stage: Right have to face. For some couples, the constant failure is a self-destructive and self-perpetuating cycle they can't break free from without outside help. For other couples, it becomes the glue that makes the partnerships stronger, better, and more lasting.
Blurb: Damian Learner and his grunge band, Firefly, are on a meteoric rise to success. If they get the right break, fame awaits. Seeking more professional management, Damian independently strikes a bargain with the best agent in the business, Stanley Krane. Unable to afford the penalty for breaking old contracts, Damian agrees when Stan’s best friend, country and Western megastar Vance Ashcroft, offers to buy him out of his old contract.
Overwhelmed by a crippling loan, secretive guilt, Stanley’s expectations, and a volatile relationship with Lenny, Firefly’s lead guitarist, Damian disintegrates. Bad habits of too much sex, booze, and drugs create a rift in the band. Finally Vance, with his understanding of Dominant/submissive behavior, sees that submissives Damian and Lenny are falling into chaos, clinging to each other to try to avoid the inevitable crash.
When the pressure to perform becomes too much and the unthinkable happens, Damian and Lenny have to decide: accept that they need something they can’t get from each other, or burn out and take Firefly with them. Vance is ready to claim Lenny, but even Stan’s hesitant agreement to give Damian the direction he needs might not be enough for Damian—or the band—if he loses Lenny.
More places to find me and my books if you are so inclined:
Amazon Author page: amazon.com/author/jaimesamms